My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
