I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
