even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
