So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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