The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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