its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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