fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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