I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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