:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
