The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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