is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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