she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
