Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
