Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
