We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
