Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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