Four minutes until I can fart!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
