When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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