You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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