Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
