Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
