even my farts smell like vagina
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
