A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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