Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
of course. lets lasso hookers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
