It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
