bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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