Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
