I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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