i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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