Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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