I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
