Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
