Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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