i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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