i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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