The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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