last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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