i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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