I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize