you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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