3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He kissed a someone with a penis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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