I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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