we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
