Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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