i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
