Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

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(770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum

Replies (48) Good night (1102) Bad night (3167)
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(309): View more from Illinois

She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.

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(309): She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack. http://tfl.nu/09jw

Replies (17) Good night (3228) Bad night (1199)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

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(304): you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC http://tfl.nu/889w

Replies (21) Good night (4819) Bad night (819)
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(281): View more from Texas

Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.

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(281): Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table. http://tfl.nu/g0qe

Replies (10) Good night (3769) Bad night (732)
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(913): View more from Kansas

took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine

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(913): took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine http://tfl.nu/51sq

Replies (22) Good night (5515) Bad night (792)
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(301): View more from Maryland

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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(301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n

Replies (130) Good night (20878) Bad night (2584)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.

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(704): I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/sfcz

Replies (25) Good night (3889) Bad night (1183)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

(1-630): View more from Illinois

which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

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(630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34

Replies (31) Good night (1237) Bad night (5521)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

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(901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn

Replies (34) Good night (7012) Bad night (1444)
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(310): View more from California

It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

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(310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7

Replies (19) Good night (8522) Bad night (1244)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.

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(610): Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions. http://tfl.nu/3hq7

Replies (6) Good night (1863) Bad night (1074)
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(727): View more from Florida

There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.

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(727): There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW. http://tfl.nu/nqj8

Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (405)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"

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(248): Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion" http://tfl.nu/821u

Replies (3) Good night (822) Bad night (389)
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(802): View more from Vermont

He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack

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(802): He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack http://tfl.nu/u0hp

Replies (6) Good night (523) Bad night (793)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.

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(919): She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love. http://tfl.nu/foqv

Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (352)

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