Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not

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  (937): Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not http://tfl.nu/mdp5
  Replies (27) Good night (660) Bad night (2632)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7463) Bad night (820)
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  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

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  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1855) Bad night (4900)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4584) Bad night (1383)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?

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  (240): Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders? http://tfl.nu/9s8f
  Replies (15) Good night (4718) Bad night (1083)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.

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  (979): I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system. http://tfl.nu/cus3
  Replies (14) Good night (2023) Bad night (1166)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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  (772): Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish http://tfl.nu/fyel
  Replies (9) Good night (2263) Bad night (619)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.

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  (604): You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed. http://tfl.nu/a2ab
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.

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  (937): They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list. http://tfl.nu/o7iw
  Replies (6) Good night (1681) Bad night (430)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus

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  (765): I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus http://tfl.nu/x9kg
  Replies (3) Good night (1155) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.

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  (303): She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/lf23
  Replies (4) Good night (1350) Bad night (460)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.

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  (513): And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings. http://tfl.nu/38vk
  Replies (7) Good night (1253) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.

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  (213): 2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here. http://tfl.nu/53p6
  Replies (3) Good night (931) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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  (306): he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS http://tfl.nu/n1yt
  Replies (5) Good night (453) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i've gotta research that and get back to you.

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  (740): it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky. (419): i've gotta research that and get back to you. http://tfl.nu/7k7v
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (346)

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