My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents