I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.