I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
