i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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