i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
