so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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