There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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