Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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