Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
