i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
