I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
