You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
