Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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