after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
