my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
