Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
