i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
