the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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