apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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