There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
