im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
