I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
