it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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