your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
