He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
