then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
