If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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