She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
