What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
