Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
