I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
